I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
