I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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