Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
