Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
