kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
