This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
