I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize