your thong is hanging out like whoa
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
