I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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