i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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