Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize