Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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