the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
