The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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