life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
