She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
