I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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