Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize