we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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