i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
