you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
