just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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