That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
