the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
