batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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