I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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