I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i wish my penis had a tongue
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
