he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I need moral support for this bender
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
