her facebook's as public as her vagina
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
