thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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