I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
