It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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