What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
