Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
