He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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