and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
