Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
two words...techno handjob
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Randomize
