Did you just see the Batmobile???
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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