the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
