Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
