i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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