my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
