i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
