they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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