I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
