i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
