I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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