Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
