I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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