I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That accounts for only three of the penises
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
