You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
