How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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