i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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