Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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