bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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