i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
