Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
