can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize