My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
