She announced her abortion via fbk
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
