...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
