Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
