there was a trapeze. enough said
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
