if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
