IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize