trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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