i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize