if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
