This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
