how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize