Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize