Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
