Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
