Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
