could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
