I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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